One of the things I like to do is converse with people, to find out through gentle probing what their life is like, their history, family connections etc. I don’t know if that’s the writer in me, an occupational hazard, or am I just a busy body? It’s my considered opinion though, that the majority of humankind like to talk about themselves. Whether it’s in a lounge, bar, coffee shop, hairdresser’s chair, or supermarket you can always here someone using at least one ‘I’ statement.
Lately a lot of the discussions have revolved around the changes in Powell River. They aren’t all to the good either. I love my hometown but there’s a new element here. Some crazy scary drugs are on the street, and as you’ve likely read in the paper, people are dying as a result. I know this isn’t new to P.R. or the rest of the province. I’m not being naïve or judgmental, but you have to know what you’re taking and how much is too much. When I was younger, (oh, there’s that phrase we’ve been waiting for) Powell River had street drugs, but you used to know what you were getting and from whom. It’s not like that anymore. If you’re worried about the young people in your life, learn about the drugs so you know what to look for.
A friend and I were talking about ‘taking constructive criticism’. It’s something I struggle with, not sure why. It’s not that I think I know everything and don’t need to be ‘told’. It’s a pet peeve when other people get their back up when advice is offered, so where does it come from? If someone is offering to show you a better way of doing things, or helping you with bits of information why would you turn your nose up at it? A sign of insecurity obviously; no one wants to be seen as less than intelligent. Isn’t not taking advice from someone who has learned that particular lesson themselves rather less than intelligent? Anyway, just thought these ramblings of mine should be out of my head and onto the screen. If you have any thoughts, shoot me a message. I’m always up for a discussion.
On May 13th, the local Royal LePage Real Estate office staff held the 2nd Annual garage sale to raise money for Powell River & Region Transition House Society. I have included a quote from Neil Frost, Realtor about the results;
“Wow, our garage sale raised $2000.00, plus $1000.00 from the local RBC that makes $3000.00 total. Thanks everyone for everyone who donated time, energy and money!”
That’s great news, and our thanks go to all the staff and realtors who took the time to organize, sort and sell items to raise money for our non-profit agency this year.
The next event is the ‘A Taste of Art’ event on May 27th. We have been chosen to be this year’s recipient of the proceeds from this art show/wine tasting social evening put on by the local Rotary Club. It sounds like a wonderful night! I have included the details on the bottom of the main page and in the Messages tab as well. I will let you know how well that evening went at the end of the month.
A big thank you to the Powell River community for their continual support for local teams, agencies, non-profit group events and each other. We Rock!
Instead of writing yet another mawkish Mother’s Day post, I have decided to focus on some of the traits I inherited from my own, (mother that is). She is patient, and wise, funny and driven, a caregiver and open-hearted. She has been hurt, stung by sarcasm, and seen some real rough personalities. She has lost many people to illness and death but keeps bouncing back. She has shown toughness and tenderness in the same half hour period, she forgives quickly but she doesn’t always forget! Don’t assume that her silence is agreement; she has learned that you can’t change a person’s mind with arguments. She knows the difference between classy and a fake but treats them the same anyway. There are a few real no-no’s in her mind; hurting her family is #1!
She dresses well, doesn’t leave the house without lipstick and her hair done, (just in case), but she can knock your heads together if you pick on her loved ones. She takes care of herself, even when she doesn’t always feel like it, she’s got a smile that can make you feel like it’s going to be a great day. She has worries about the future but they don’t consume her present. Her tears will temporarily rip at your heart but even in her pain she makes sure you’re doing ok.
This woman is mostly my mother, partly myself, sister and niece. If you have a woman in your life that quietly amazes you, please tell her. If someone tell you that you’re amazing, please believe them.
I was talking to an acquaintance recently and she was bemoaning all the ‘stuff’ happening to her and in the world generally. I empathized with her, but relayed my favourite mental exercise in response. I hope this makes sense to you.
- ‘When you’re feeling as though everyone is looking at you, talking about you and passing judgements, imagine the situation as a big bucket of water’. She looked confused at that but I persevered. ‘Then think about sticking your whole arm in and splashing the water all around, swish it as vigorously as you can. Then take your arm out and while you’re drying it off, take a look into the bucket. ‘What happens?’ She asked. ‘The water goes right back to a state of calm; all the actions, the splashing and swirling is forgotten and it’s just a smooth surface.’ Shaking her head, still not sure about the story, she said. ‘What’s the point?’ I explained that even though it seems like everything is a crisis, mixed up and violent, it will all calm down once there’s no human activity to stir it up. That’s how much impact we make in the world. So anytime you’re feeling like you are the center of attention, or the center of people’s universe and that they are all focused on you, just remember what kind of splash is actually made in the end.’ She nodded. ‘This story is not intended to make us feel small, but to remind us that sometimes, when it seems like a storm is surrounding us, it’s just, as Shakespeare noted, ‘a tempest in a teapot.’
In this information age we continually claim our rights for more updated and advanced technology. Standing at a bus stop we can check our bank statements, upload the latest from Coldplay, rent a car for the day, get groceries delivered to our homes and the list goes on. I have a picture of a laptop on here, but they are almost passé now aren’t they? Who wants to lug around a laptop when you can fit an IPhone in your back pocket? Technology is amazing, I love it myself but as someone who works in the field of family violence I see how it can be misused.
Colleagues and I have taken technology safety workshops and then taught the information to our staff and clients of a local agency. It’s hard sometimes for women to see the dangers involved in keeping plugged in; their phones could have a GPS signal that gives away their current location, they could take selfies at the transition house that people could use to figure out where they (and other abused women in the house) are. If they’re driving, the ex could install a GPS tracker in their car. There are ways and means of finding someone who should be safe. If you’re interested in finding out more shoot me a message and I can access the info for you. In the meantime-stay safe and unplug yourself from time to time, look up and watch a sunset or a child’s soccer game.
Depending on your spending habits, ability to pay debts and attitude towards owing money, the credit card picture above could either scare you, make you anxious a little or render you speechless. It’s hard to believe how much power these little pieces of plastic have over us. I personally think it’s irresponsible of the credit card companies to hand them out like candy to potential diabetics. This is a spending world and credit cards give you the illusion that you can keep up to the Jones’. If the Jones’ are rich, no kids, and own their own house (complete with maid) this may be a step too far for the rest of us peons.
Canada is slowly starting to catch up to the USA in terms of consumer debt; we as humans see commercials for things we want, and don’t think twice about who’s going to pay for it. Interest accrues at anywhere between 13% and 25% on your statements and that means you are essentially giving the companies free money if you let that go for too long. One way to avoid this, (obviously not buying things on credit is the first and most important way, but if you can’t do without that item or service) is to pay the amount as soon as possible. With many of us on-line banking now a days, it’s easy to add the credit card company on to your list of payee’s, along with Hydro, Telus, etc. That way you can keep on top of the payments. Even if you’re just paying off what you spent the day before, you will prevent the interest from accruing. You can also talk to the credit card company and ask them about reducing the interest percentage so it’s easier to pay down. There’s no guarantee they will, but it’s worth a shot. When you are trying to survive on minimum wage or PWD payments each month it’s tempting to charge groceries or a dinner out for you and the kids, and it’s often essential to get your car fixed or the cat fixed for that matter. Living is expensive so it’s no wonder that many of us look to the magic card to help us out. I hope this didn’t come across as preaching, I have been talking to a lot of adults lately who have good paying jobs and they are still in debt to Visa or MasterCard, so I thought I would put it out there. Take care of your money and it will take care of you.
There are times when life’s issues become bigger than any hope on the horizon. It could be money issues, relationship breakdown or just becoming overwhelmed with everything. There are counsellors, quite a few of them in Powell River and area, but what if you’re not ready for that step?
There are a lot of online sites that can help you narrow down the issues, and let you know which direction to turn. This Victim Services website has a few links for support and I’ve added the link below as well. Sometimes having the problem narrowed down can direct you to the next step. Do you know the old joke, “how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” It reminds us that by taking large projects or problems in smaller sections they’re easier to deal with. Not quite so imposing then.
What is your definition of gratitude? To me it simply means appreciating what someone has provided for you, thanking them for taking care of your needs. This gratitude could be directed at a stranger who returns a purse you lost, or a parent who takes care of you when your life has hit a snag. The number of possibilities is endless in terms of situations, but there can really only be one response.
‘Thank you’. Two little words that make someone’s day. If someone has supported you in some way, guided you to an answer you needed, say thank you. If someone you’ve lived with for a period of time cooks you dinner when you work late, say thank you. If I do something to make your life better I’m not expecting a gift in return, just an acknowledgement that you noticed. As a member of the human race it makes me feel good, I’m not ashamed of that need. Courtesy is something that most of us learned in our childhoods, some of us have maintained that, others left it behind with their finger paints. I’ve noticed lately that there’s another segment of people. These folks seem to think that the world owes them; a career, our love, respect etc. The list goes on and so do their expectations. I don’t know where that comes from but it’s not a positive trait. Anyway, I’ve made the point I set out to make. If someone does something for you, let them know you appreciate it. Two words, doesn’t take long and it’s free!
I have included the link to our local newspaper, it’s online version anyway. I started thinking yesterday about all the local stories and connections that it provides. Information about events, rental opportunities, employment links, vehicles for sale etc.
I would have to spend hours updating all that and it’s not my job. My spouse is a firm believer in not re-creating the wheel. If someone has trained to do something why would you not call him and save yourself the time and bother of doing it yourself!?
So, after I cleared the situation with Jason Schreurs, the editor. I added the link to this blog page, and put it in the websites link as well. When I remember how to add it to the front page then you all will be the first to find out!
As a white, educated, middle class Canadian you wouldn’t think I had any trouble with self-confidence would you? I have free voice, a strong sense of what’s right and wrong, and I’m against any law or belief system that doesn’t treat others as equals. I have worked with adults living with developmental disabilities, and I have worked with women fleeing from domestic abuse. I am a female though, and as a result have witnessed and been a victim of ‘2nd class citizen-itis’. It’s not a rare condition, in fact it affects nearly half of the population. It’s obviously worse in some countries; to the extent of honor killings, or female genital mutilations. We in North America generally deal with the lower end of the severity chart. This in no way takes away from the continued rape of women in the ‘free world’ but we are less likely to be murdered because of our DNA makeup.
Our war zones are on the street, in our office, at the bar; all places that society tells us that it’s ‘ok’ to be in. The fact that a few of these places come with conditions is not explained to us until some poor woman is assaulted, and her story reaches the media. We can go to the pub but we have to think about what we’re wearing, watch who we talk to, in case we send the ‘wrong message’ and count how many drinks we have so that the newspaper doesn’t throw that into the story as well. (This counting had also be with drinks we don’t let out of our sight so as to avoid Rohypnol). So if you do go out with some friends after work and decide to be responsible by taking a cab; can we now count that safety protocol out as well? A woman was raped by a cabbie back in Ontario as she had fallen asleep on the way home in the taxi. Was that some sort of silent invitation to him? A story I just read in a work journal mentioned that as women we give each comment we hear, each dirty ‘joke’ thought before we decide to fight or stay quiet. How many crude stories within our hearing, how many pats on the backside, how many times have we been told not to be so ‘sensitive’ when we make a face at sexist comments. Even reading this piece a loud to myself I worried that I would sound a bit ‘harsh’. Is that also part of our feminine training? My mother is and was a feminist but I still think about ’embarrasing’ a man when I’m about to call him out. When will this end? Send me your thoughts, I’d be interested in hearing them.
March always reminds me of daffodils; (It is the national flower of Wales as it commemorates St. David’s Day on the 1st of March) just a little tidbit of trivia for you. At some point in the month a sea of yellow and green is observed all over town. They are simple flowers, they bend in the wind on stalks that look a bit fragile to me. As we know though, just because something looks fragile, you can’t take it for granted that it will crumple.
If you aren’t sure, look around at some of the women in your life. They may have lost a husband or child, they may be dealing with a sick relative on top of a full-time job, they may be dealing with an abusive spouse while smiling at the world outside; but they don’t break. They may bend, their heads may be hanging for a little while, but when things get stormy they just hold tight and wait for things to blow over. I have noticed that the strongest ones tend to be in the middle of a garden; when surrounded by others they are more able to stand again. The solitary flowers will eventually break. Who is holding you up? Do you have enough support in your life? We all need someone to lean on eventually and it’s easier if you have them close by. If you isolate yourself it’s easier to fall. Our agency has people who can help you find solid ground, and supports. Give them a call. In the meantime, enjoy this poem about daffodils written by William Wordsworth back in 1804.
I wandered lonely as a Cloud
wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o’er Vales and Hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host of dancing Daffodils;
Along the Lake, beneath the trees,
Ten thousand dancing in the breeze.The waves beside them danced, but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee: –
A poet could not but be gay
In such a laughing company:
I gaz’d – and gaz’d – but little thought
What wealth the shew to me had brought:
For oft when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the Daffodils.
This is pretty much how I’ve been viewing the world for two weeks now; from the inside out. Just 3 days after I talked to my house supervisor about how healthy I am and that I almost never get colds/flu, guess what happened? Talk about tempting fate; (and Kleenex and cough syrup, and blankets on the couch). I got a view into how frustrating it is to be home bound and in some ways, a bit of a pariah. No one wanted to come over, or see me, I don’t want to imagine how it feels to be really sick and alone.
So many people are though. How many of our seniors and single people have to be sick or injured by themselves? With the snow Powell River just had, even healthy older people couldn’t leave their driveways to attend appointments. How many of them have good neighbors that check in on them, offer to shovel their driveway or pick up medications for them? We need to remember that we have an aging population in Powell River and even though our city does a great job of offering programs, there are still lots of people that have no family in town and ever dwindling social circles. Do you have people in your neighborhood that could use a hand?
Our city has recently seen the opening of a cold weather shelter, the Salvation Army has space open in case of serious weather conditions. According to the article in the Peak ‘temperatures near zero with rainfall that makes staying dry a challenge, sleet or freezing rain, snow accumulation, sustained high winds and temperatures below -2 degrees Celsius’. I had a nice warm house to recover in, but many don’t. If you see someone in need, direct them towards a local agency like the CRC on Joyce Avenue. We all live here in sickness and in health, let’s help each other out Powell River.
I have been cleaning windows lately, windows and mirrors actually. Both can be reflective; mirrors at all times and windows when it’s dark outside. I was thinking as I sprayed and wiped that there is a saying about ‘eyes being the windows to the soul’. What happens when eyes are the only context you have? You can’t base a person’s thoughts and life decisions just on their baby blues, can you?
- Furtive glances and eyes that move quickly around the room, never looking at your face give the impression that the person has something to hide, is nervous or perhaps high on something. (How you interpret the meaning can say a fair bit about where you’re coming from too!)
- Downcast, wet and red-rimmed could be a sign that the person is incredibly sad, has been crying for awhile and questions need to be asked in a calm and gentle tone. It could also mean that they have lost something valuable on the ground, perhaps their allergy medication?
- Eyes wide open and expectant, this person appears to be waiting for something. They have a smile on their face when they see you and their arms come out for a hug. Is this person your date or your 6 month old son?
In the world of support work we have to have more of a person’s story in able to help them with the next step. Every human has a heart, speech and intelligence, among other traits. It’s all these put together; listen to their story, allow them time to trust you with it. Basing someone’s needs on the ‘soul in the window’ leads to an incomplete practice, and with women putting their belief in us that could be disastrous. In terms of the mirrors I mentioned earlier, I think this one is obvious don’t you? What do you see in the reflection? Is it pleasing to you or are you harshly judgemental about some body part? Try to think of the reflection as just that, a one dimensional representation. It doesn’t show your kindness, your artistic skills, your sense of humour, it can’t because your insides, your soul, isn’t in the mirror any more than it’s in the window.
I heard someone tell his friend that the months of November to February are the toughest. I thought he was talking about the weather but it turns out he was discussing the number of deaths that occur in the winter. I don’t know if this is true all over the world, or who even counts something like that, but it sure seems like it here in Powell River. As if snow, sleet, rain and cold mornings aren’t enough, we also have to deal with opening the paper or meeting someone in the grocery store who has some sad information to share. It can really start to weigh heavy after awhile. I am usually a fairly upbeat kind of person; (not super chipper or anything but I am for sure a glass half full kind of woman) but the continual knock back of friends and family in ill-health or leaving us too soon is starting to take it’s toll.
What can we do with all this sadness? My first reaction is to counter it with some good news or to spend it with people I love that are still here. I take stock of my life and decide what can be kept and what needs to go; why hang on to baggage and junk? I start planning a short get-away if holiday time is short, I make time for my hobbies and turn off the t.v. (This past weekend I actually coloured, it was wonderful to get away from the news). ‘Peace of Mind’ is immeasurable, and a strong will can help in times of grief and insecurity; they can be coupled with some counselling and other supports as well. If it’s your relationship that’s causing grief and pain call our STVC program. Sylvia can work with you to find some answers. 604-485-6965
Part of every holiday is the music associated with it. At this time of year it’s Christmas carols, and we all have our favourites don’t we? Mine is ‘The Little Drummer Boy’ and just to prove that I’m a real 80’s woman, I prefer the Bony M version over the vast number of other artists that have given it a whirl.
Music is the symphony of your life; the choices in tunes, the type of bands, the bass line. It brings back memories you thought you had forgotten. You could be driving along on your way to work, not looking forward to the shift at all and then you hear a tune that sends you back to your teen years. You start laughing at the little video in your head of you and your friends; before you know it you’re at work and feeling a lot more positive.
Music is something we can share with others as well. A couple of weeks ago I attended the Carol’s by Candlelight and enjoyed the voices raised and harmonizing in traditional songs, it was quite stirring. What really got me in the Christmas mood was seeing the little ones belting out their own song while completely distracted by their parents taking pictures or the kid next to them. I can’t sing, was told not to by more than one person, but I still enjoy a wide range of music. What song or artist brings you peace when the rest of the world is going mad? Rump a pum pum…….
The traditional ones are green (Holly and trees) and red (Santa’s outfit); but we can also add in some white for the snow, silver for the bells and brown for the tons of fruitcake. Some people have a different colour at this time of year though, and that’s blue. You may remember that old carol sung by Elvis Presley, ‘Blue Christmas’. In that song he was referring to a temporary condition brought on by the absence of his girlfriend. Millions of people suffer from depression all year long and it’s often exacerbated by the holiday season. There are many reasons a person may develop depression during the holidays, here are two of them;
- Social Isolation: Some people may have a small social circle or lack of social opportunities for socialization. People who have feelings of being disconnected often avoid social occasions at holiday time. Unfortunately this can make things worse. By withdrawing completely from events and parties the isolation just intensifies, it’s a vicious circle. As hard as it may be for some, reaching out, attending that staff party and meeting others (even for a short time at first) could be helpful. If this is all too much perhaps seeking a professional’s help is the next step.
- Grieving During the Holidays: As someone who lost their father just before Christmas I understand this one. Nothing seems the same, Christmas carols are all too sad, or worse, overly bright. Sometimes planning a new tradition, like spending the holidays away instead of at home can help. You could consider volunteering to support others at Christmas; manning a charity bubble or dishing out dinner at a church function. Be aware of how you’re feeling and don’t feel obligated, be willing to tell others that you just aren’t up for it yet. Don’t forget going out for a nature walk, not only will the park or woods relax you and give you some non-people time, it’s also healthy for you in other ways, as little as 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise can provide a mood boost similar to the effects of an anti-depressant medication. Practicing self-care is essential. Eat a healthy diet, maintain a regular sleep pattern and talk to friends or family who you can share happy memories with.
The holidays, no matter how you celebrate them, can put a lot of pressure on a person. Gifts, food, travel and all the other issues that crop up! All I can say is try to relax, it’s once a year; after the 21st we’ll be heading for more light every day and soon it will be Spring. If you need more support please call a local counsellor.
Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noel and Mele Kalikimaka!
I found a list of tips for boys, it’s a list to help combat sexualization of girls. The B.C Society of Transition Houses has put out a series of cards and the one I liked today turns the tables a bit. We are so used to hearing what girls and women need to do to avoid being sexually assaulted; what about the boys and men?
- Be critical; Portrayal of girls on TV, online and in magazines isn’t how they are in real life.
- Decide who you want to be: Question attitudes and behaviours and how they may disrespect or harm women and girls you know and care about.
- Talk about it!: Talk about the images in the media that bother you.
- Educate yourself: No one expects you to know what to do in every situation but there are answers out there.
- Get rid of the pressure!: Pressuring girls to send you photos, go on a date, or do anything that makes them feel compromised is not right.
- Lead by positive example: Share with others the importance of respecting girls and women.
- Get informed: Learn about the impact of violence against women and girls.
- Challenge and speak out: It can be as easy as not laughing at sexist jokes or supporting Facebook/Twitter posts that are demanding or degrading towards women.
- Don’t walk by: If you witness harassment or an assault, assess the risk, then intervene and confront or defuse the situation. If you need to, ask for help. Call 911
- Accept your role!: Help to end violence and treat all girls as equals and with respect!
These are just 10 ideas, if you have sons, nephews or brothers that could use a little information, please pass these along in your own way and words.
Someone that I care for deeply has been watching Christmas shows for the last couple of weeks. Her excuse is that they are all ‘feel good’ shows, uncomplicated and easy to watch. I understand that theory; I watch old episodes of Seinfeld, MASH and The Golden Girls for the same reason. With all that’s going on in the world now it’s understandable that people want to revert to fantasy and the 80’s. What makes you feel good and able to forget Donald Trump, bombings in Aleppo and sinking world economics? I have been thinking about adopting a family in need for Christmas, my niece and nephews are all in their 20’s and no longer in need of toys and plush bunnies. The adults seem happy with small gifts or gift cards, so what to do? I don’t bake or preserve anything, I have very few home economics skills to speak of, (anyone that knows me has heard that it took me 4 months to sew a tote bag).
So, in regards to this Christmas Hamper; I know it’s not up to me to bring fond memories to a child, or bring some kind of ‘What a Wonderful World’ kind of feeling to the family in question. So what would it do for any of us? Well, the way I see it, I would be helping them have a nicer Christmas, maybe close to the ones I used to have. I would also be helping myself get the spirit back. With family deaths and illnesses around this time of year I haven’t been feeling very ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ in the last little while. If anyone has ideas let me know. Take care of you and don’t feel pressured to come up with Christmas feelings, it is only November!
Last week I attended the B.C. Society of Transition Houses Society conference, it was a great opportunity to meet other workers, speakers and some executive directors. It was also an occasion at which someone handed me a microphone, more than once! For some folks speaking in public is scary, and if you think about it too much it probably is. (A lot of things can be scary if you focus on them too long). Having done stand-up comedy earlier in my life, I understand that it’s the only way you’re going to get people to listen to you if there are more than 20 in the room. Appearing on the panel, I had the chance to talk to the room about women with developmental disabilities and relationship violence. I shared the stage with four other women, each of us had our own perspectives on valuing inclusion, and dealing with anti-oppression. One woman spoke to their agencies’ pet programs, one woman addressed immigration and how language/cultural barriers affect our work. It was a well-rounded panel and an appreciative audience. The following two days involved workshops and area meetings all of which were interesting in their own ways. On the last day I snagged a ride out to Langley to visit my sister and her family.
It was a weekend of driving around looking for costume parts, visiting with my niece and nephew; (they have their own lives at 25 and 23 so sometimes it’s hard to pin them down, but I managed!) as well as attending a Halloween party with my sister and BIL. I dressed as a witch, (but anyone who knows me will tell you I was going against my natural personality). It was a busy 5 days all told between the conference and family visit, I was glad to get home to my ‘real’ life. Travel and education broaden the mind I’m told, but Dorothy Gale was on the money as well; “There’s no place like home”.
I put the question mark in the title because whether you think the subject of this blog is great or not is subjective. Do you know the difference between subjective and objective? Objective is when you aren’t influenced by personal feelings or opinions, (which is what we are all supposed to be in order to get along in the world).
Subjective on the other hand is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as ‘based on or influenced by personal opinions’ ; For example, what you think of a certain political candidate, or t.v. show, or musical act.
Now that we have that straight in our heads, what is it that we need to define as great? What are these expectations I was referring to? Well, we have a few holidays coming up and if you’ve been out to the stores recently it would be hard to determine which one is next. Halloween candy and costumes are starting to share square footage with Christmas decorations and greeting cards. We have pushed the holiday season into overdrive and have apparently run right over Remembrance Day. Did these men and women fight overseas so you could get a great bargain on Black Friday?
I’m all for slowing down, I like watching Frosty and Rudolph as much as the next person but I’m willing to wait until the Great Pumpkin has come and gone. If we get everything all at once, what do we have to look forward to, the presidential election? What can you do to get some peace and balance in your life? How can you avoid the toy shelves, the gift wrap and boxes of 50 small candy bars? Yoga, walks, staying out of the departments stores until people have laid wreaths for those that won’t be going trick or treating or celebrating Christmas this year. Take care of you.
It’s cold and sunny outside, but it’s weather I generally look forward to. Armed with a fairly large sweater collection, It felt good putting away the capris and short sleeved shirts. The golf tournament didn’t go ahead; cancelled due to low registration numbers. It was a blow after all the hard work and organization and even though it absolutely poured on that Friday and we may have had to cancel anyway, I would rather have had Mother Nature make that decision than the aloofness of the general populace.
Last week I spent some time training the new Outreach Worker, her name is Bev and she’s new to town not just the job. That adds a different element to orientation as she’s learning everything from the ground up. New people, new places, new routines and policies etc. With my upbringing in Powell River I had the advantage of knowing people and their families, where different businesses are located and who runs them and what the owners were like in high school. It’s a good thing most of the time, and whether you like it or not, growing up in a small town has it’s advantages. Bev will have the luxury of meeting people where they are now, no baggage at all, just professionalism, a bonus in a lot of ways!
I’m 51 this year, in the last couple of years I have lost some dear people, met new ones, returned to writing and come face to face with the possibility of more loss in the future. Being in your 50’s means that if your parents are still alive, they are facing aging, widowhood, illness, downsizing their home etc. All things to cause a fair bit of stress. Your kids if you have any, have finished University or Trade School, they may be married with children; (congratulations granny!) or living in your basement suite. Either way, you are a member in good standing of the sandwich generation, supporting family on either side of you on some level. What are you doing to take care of yourself?
This is the Autumn of your life, this decade. It’s a chance to retire early, travel more, volunteer for a cause you believe in, exercising the body that grew heavy with the daily bread you earned. I wish for you peace, healing, strength and laughter. I know I’m going to need all four in the next 9 years! Take care of you while caring for others.
<strong>If any of you have been regular followers of this blog then I must apologize for being absent, the move to the transition house has been good for me but not so good for the flow of ideas. I have continued writing the blog under the ‘dayshiftmo’ name, but even then I don’t often get the time to write.
With the onset of September, we all start to slow down a bit, and get back to ‘real life’; school, work, staff meetings etc. People are back from vacation and somewhat ready to tackle normal life again. Pack up your tents, drain the pool, pay off your credit cards and send your 18 year old off to college with a tear.
In October I am appearing on a panel at the BC Society for Transition Houses conference, I am pumped. The theme this year is ‘Valuing Inclusion and Anti-Oppression in Practice’. Having worked in a few areas of Inclusion Powell River, and then moved 4.5 years ago to this agency I figured I knew one or two things about both, they agreed and invited me to speak on the panel. It’s not often a person gets to speak to what they know.
In the meantime, I am still working on the golf tournament. Yes, still. It seems like years in the works to me so I can’t imagine what everyone else is thinking, ‘this again?’ 🙂 Anyway, the date for calling it a go, or calling it cancelled comes up on September 9th. I will keep you posted. I have lots of people on my side which is always nice, they tell me not to get discouraged and to remember that many other important events have been cancelled due to low registration numbers, (strange how little that salves my wounds actually) but I am trying to keep positive. What events in your life require positive thinking, and ignoring the writing on the wall? What keeps you going when this happens; determination or stubbornness? Let me know, I would be interested and it might just help me! Take care of you.
We had a phone call today from someone taking a course in social work and wanting to hold an information interview. This is where you talk to people in the field of work you’re heading into. It’s a chance to hear all about all the practical, day to day things that happen in that field. For example; if you are interested in working in a senior’s center then you would talk to a nursing supervisor and find out what happens there. You would also ask about schedules, education requirements, senior citizen medical issues that crop up, then you would decide if that sounds like something you could do every week.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could do that with relationships? It used to be that living with someone was your chance to see if you could marry this person after being exposed to their; ‘socks on the floor, beer breath in the morning, insisting on pancakes be done the way their sainted mother made them’ personality quirks day after day. With common law being changed a year and a half ago, people in these relationships now have as many rights and financial benefits as those folks who actually walked up an aisle somewhere.
Is this a good thing? Well, just like everything else that the lawyers have come up with, it will work really well for some and tie others up in red tape. A live in relationship lasting over 1.5 years will be harder to leave than before. It may require a trip to court or to seek counsel about dividing assets, child care arrangements or what have you. In the old days you could live with someone and when you didn’t mesh anymore you could just pack your bags and take off.
The new laws do offer security, especially for women and children. The Family Law Act makes it harder for a partner to just up sticks and leave the family financially hooped. I believe that being an adult, entering into an adult relationship means taking responsibility for you and anyone else that comes along. If you can’t come to that realization yourself then the legal system will help you figure it out, and it may not be pretty!
Everyone you ask will have a different definition of what they think self-esteem is; some think it’s being super confident or thinking you’re better than others etc. In reality it doesn’t mean seeing yourself as the greatest person in the world, it’s not the same as being conceited. A healthy self-esteem means liking yourself for the most part, as you are. You can have OK self-esteem and still have moments of self-doubt, we all do. We’ll be going along, doing well in our job or feeling put together and then we see a glaring mistake in a work document that’s just been emailed to the boss, or we see that what looked like a matching outfit in the early morning is actually pink and orange in the light of day! To maintain healthy self-esteem try to remember the following:
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
- Celebrate your strengths and achievements.
- We are so used to negative feedback that we are more aware of our weaknesses.
- Set achievable targets and get regular feedback.
- Change the way you talk to yourself-stop putting yourself down.
- Be sure you aren’t judging yourself against unreasonable standards.
- Beating yourself for your weaknesses is self-defeating.
It’s easy sometimes with the pressures of the world; work, family and general expectations to feel overwhelmed by the pace of life. How can having low self-esteem affect the way people deal with it all?
- You constantly doubt whether you can achieve anything.
- You stay where it’s safe, and are afraid to try anything too new.
- You overly depend on others to take care of you.
- You put little effort into things because you wouldn’t be successful anyway.
- You don’t like your looks, you think you’re too fat or thin, short or too tall etc.
- You find ways of escaping unpleasant realities; alcohol, drugs, gambling etc.
I don’t have any magic words for you, that’s why they call it ‘self-esteem’. I’ll just tell you that with every mistake I make I try to see the lighter side and remind myself that no one is going to remember what happened two months from now. I tell myself that no one around me is perfect; not my boss or my mother or the guy who laughed at my orange and pink outfit! Try not to take yourself so seriously and remember your good points. Are you an artist? Can you make people sigh with your musical skills? Are you a kind and loving mother? Well then you have 3 things over me just for a start! Take care of yourself!