I’m no angel. I try to be a good person, to say hello to people on their own in a public place, to do kind things, to let people in line at the grocery store if they just have a few things etc. My biggest battle as a human being is avoiding the slide into a reactionary frame of mind. As a woman in the social services field and the oldest child in my family of origin it’s a slippery slope some times. Yesterday, the blog post was about rescuing people, today’s subject is kind of the flip side, it deals more with how to rescue yourself. It’s taken from the same book but a different chapter.
If you’re seeing any of yourself and your relationship, or maybe someone close to you is exhibiting some of these behaviours, it might be time for some counselling or just picking up the book. (It’s called ‘Codependent No More’) if you aren’t ready to talk to someone else just yet. It was published in 1987 and again in 1992 so it may seem dated, but even with all the new technology since then, human beings haven’t changed much. Below are some phrases followed by a summary of the author’s points.
-We don’t have to be afraid of people: They are people, just like us.
-We don’t have to forfeit our Peace: It doesn’t help. The same facts and resources are available to us, whether we are in chaos or in peace. We are probably better in peace though as we have the time and clarity to think things through.
-We don’t have to forfeit our power to think and feel for anyone or anything: It’s also not required of us!
-We don’t have to take things so seriously, (ourselves, events and other people): Don’t blow things out of proportion, lighten up and give yourself and loved ones the space to talk, move around and just be. We often take on other peoples problems and add them to ours and it just becomes a big mess.
-We don’t have to take other people’s behaviours as reflections of our self-worth: If someone close to you acts inappropriately that’s up to them, you don’t need to apologize to others or take it on in any way. Each person is responsible for his or her own behaviour.
-We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth: You are still real and ok. Don’t give too much power to other people’s opinions because that’s exactly what they are, someone else’s opinion. Not fact, just opinion.
-We don’t have to take things so personal: If someone has serious issues then it’s themselves they don’t love, not you. Giving them ultimatums isn’t healthy for either of you, you’ll never win and it’s unfair on the other person.
-We don’t have to take little things personally either: Usually, things that others do; their behaviours, their anger has far less to do with us than you think. Don’t take on the bad moods of others.
*Anyway, these are just a few notes. Take it from someone who actually struggles NOT to help others right away, it’s a process. Your friend or family member will be stronger in the end, in the meantime, Take care of you (you know it by heart already!)